幸せ

いっそこのまま燃え尽きてしまいたいというのは我儘だろうか。︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎

昼に鴉が車に撥ねられていたのを思い出す。都会というのはそういうものだ、常に残酷に回り続ける。そして、それは己の思考も同じである。久しぶりにバレーの試合をみてしまった。やはり、記憶というのはなかなか消えない。ましてや高校時代だ、１番熱い時期だろう。己の高校は全国常連校だったし、１つ上の代にはバレーの化け物がいたし。そう、その人こそが今の思考を占領する諸悪の根源である。普段飲まない酒をグビっと飲み干した。度数はよく覚えていない。今となってはただの数字だ、とっくに飲まれている。酒は飲んでも酒には飲まれるなとはよく言ったものだ。そんなの無理だろう、思考が腐ってしまう。修羅場をくぐり抜けてきたばかりの、クタクタな頭では正常な判断が出来ない。眠れない時に強制的に眠りに落とす薬をあるだけ用意してみた。なんだか玩具のようで少しおかしい。瓶のものからシートのものまで。どうせなら一気に酒で流してやろう。煮えたぎった脳内は、生きるか死ぬか、そのどちらかしか選択が残っていないようだ。

︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎   ︎あぁ、短かった。そもそも、あの時振らなければ良かったのだろうか。卒業式に「貴方が嫌い」だなんて言わなければ良かったのか。でも、将来絶対にスターになるあの人を己の手の内に留めておくのがどうしようもなく勿体なく感じて、どうしようもなく怖かったのだ。あの人ならば、美しい唯一無二の女性に愛され、世界中のファンに愛され、仲間に愛され、バレーに愛されて全てを終えることが出来るだろうから。あの人が世間からの白い目を浴びる必要が無いのだ。だからあえて突き放した己の判断が間違っているとは思えない。事実、世界で活躍する選手になったのだ。あとはあの人が好きになれる女性を見つけるだけだ。それがきっと貴方の幸せになるんでしょう。「いやだ」なんてのは酒で無理やり胃に押し込んだ。もういい加減気持ち悪い、こっぴどく振ったくせして、永遠に追いかけ続けることに疲れてしまった。もうやめだ。瓶を開ける。大量の玉を手に出して、さようなら己の想い人、酒で焼けた声で呟いた。 ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎

︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎はずだったが、人生とはそう簡単に上手くいかない。深夜２時、ピンポーンと無機質な音が鳴り響く。いいところだったのに。持っていたものを机にばら撒くと、からからと転がっていく音がした。覗き穴から確認もせず、ドアを開けた。警察とか無差別の何かの方がよっぽどマシだったと思ったのは己がきっと人類初だろう。そこには高校時代想いを寄せた、いいや。今も尚、想いを寄せている男が立っていた。 ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎ ︎︎ ︎ ︎

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